On Family

  A thought occurred to me today and it's been eating at the insides of my already headache-y brain.
  I mourn the death of my grandfather (previously mentioned) in some way, shape, or form every day & he died when I was a small child. My grandmother on my father's side was a major influence on my upbringing. I didn't get along with my mother and I didn't talk to my father enough for him to attempt to reach out to me (not that he would have then anyway). My grandma was always the one to smack some sense in to me (not literally) and to sit me down and really talk about what was going on in my life and what I was doing to affect that. I remember when I came out of the closet to her, she was just pleased that I found someone to make me happy regardless of gender. Back to my point. 
  She passed on in June of 2010 (I was obviously much older) and I don't mourn her in the way that I mourned my Pap. Don't get me wrong; I was devastated when she died and I immediately went on a prolific drug and alcohol binge and all of my common sense went out the window. I've since recovered but it still bothers me that I don't tear up whenever I think of her, or that I don't think of her every day. Of course, that's not to say that I don't feel her hovering occasionally and her voice whispering in my ear when I'm doing/about to do something really stupid.
  She was a beautiful, kind woman to her core and beyond. I've never to this day met anyone who would not judge anyone at all before meeting them and even then (if they were less than stellar human beings), she somehow understood that they were hurting in some way and did not judge them for things that were beyond their control. That's not to say she let everything slide. She had her opinions and boy was that one fiery woman. If you wronged a member of our family she would take up arms to defend them. I do miss her. I miss her sage advice, her wisdom, her kind words to me when no one else had any. Maybe because the events surrounding Pap's death were so traumatic it caused it to stick with me. Gram was a positive person up until the day she died. I remember when she woke up on the ventilator and she was PISSED and we were all trying to calm her down. We locked eyes, I told her I loved her and everything would be okay, and she calmed down. I didn't let go of her hand. Maybe it's the closure I had with Grandma that I didn't have with Pap that helped me to move on in a more healthy way. I don't believe in guardian angels or god, but if I did, I know she'd be at the top of god's list. 
The world is truly missing out on a beautiful woman.


xo
Kellye 

Job/Health Update

Whoa, buddy. 
Today's post is going to be a short one. Just a quick update to let you all know that everything went well with the job. I'm officially hired and I completed my training class today. I work the rest of the week from 8am - 5pm. It's not so bad really, but considering I've been out of work for so long I feel like I'm jumping into it way too fast. Oh well. This is the break I've been waiting for. I don't care how many hours they schedule me for or how crappy I feel. I'll be there come hell or high water. 
The funny thing about all of this is that after I came home from my class I had to go immediately to Patient First. I'm not going to give my whole history with Endometriosis but lets just say that the first official visit from "Aunt Flo" after being on the Depo shot for three months is like being kicked in the stomach with a steel toed boot covered in barbed wire. By the time I got there, I had a fever of 101.4, my heart rate was through the roof, and my blood pressure was much higher than normal. Luckily they prescribed me some pain medication (since my actual doctor is an asshole) so I should be able to get through the next couple of days until I can get my Lupron shot. 
I really wish I could have one solid good day. The day will start off going great and somewhere in the middle it all goes to shit. And most days my day doesn't start off well at all. I guess I should be grateful that I have at least a half of a good day, instead of every day being bad. I'm certainly grateful for the hope I now have that was missing before. 


xo