Turn back the clock. I need some time. I need to break out.

I wish I had something funny or insightful to blog about today. Instead I have nothing. I recently received the Lupron shot (for those of you who don't know - it kick starts my body into menopause although I'm only 23). Just like last time, I feel like I'm losing my mind AND my body. It's as though my very existence has turned against me. I'm like a small child with ADD, except I don't skip from happy thought to happy thought. I skip from "Should I slit my wrists and get it over with?" to "Maybe if I slam my head into this here wall really hard, I will be unconscious long enough to just not give a fuck." Of course, I will do neither of these things but my brain is constantly in survival mode. It's trying to find a way out where there isn't one. 
The first thing on my to do list for my day was head to the liquor store where I spent over $40 on booze. This is a bad sign in and of itself. I rarely drink anymore and when I do, it's almost never in excess. Yet today I woke with the sole purpose of getting shitfaced and have been drinking since before noon. I know it isn't healthy. I also know that if I don't find some way to calm my thought processes that it will end very badly. 
The last time I had this shot was in 2010 and the first six weeks were nothing short of mental and physical torture. I vowed I would never do something like that to my body, ever again. And here I am, two years later, in the same predicament because, as usual, it's my last and only option for the endometriosis. 
In short - I'm tired, I'm weary, I'm in pain, and I'm crazy. For those of you that know me personally, please give me some space to be crazy for a few weeks. I will most certainly need it. 


xo
Kellye