I always have so much to do. SO much to do. And no time, of course. Isn't that supposed to be every mother's mantra or something? I call bullshit. I quit my damned to do list today. I can't cope. I'm in way too much pain to deal with this right now. Also, apparently my "o" key on the keyboard is being decidedly sticky and, well, fuck that key.
I slipped and fell on my drive way Saturday and things have been doing the downward spiral into hopelessness ever since. I went to the ER and gave me a cervical collar, Naproxen, and an order to rest (because of course). The fall itself isn't what has caused this little pit I've dug around myself though. It's the fact that my body physically CAN NOT take any more pain and my child is not getting any smaller. She's a big girl and it's killing me every time I pick her up. I put on the happy face and play with her and whatnot - she will never be able to tell that I can't stand holding her - but then I go off by myself and cry just to get it out of my system. I'm scheduled for spinal injections (doesn't that sound sexy?) from my L1 - L4 on February 4th but I have a feeling I'm banking way too much of my hope on these injections, especially since it was made clear to me that there's a chance they won't be effective. I feel like I'm setting myself up to be let down. What the hell else am I supposed to do? It's not like I can hand my baby off to someone for a couple of days while I rest and try to get my shit together. Adam's there, of course, but he works five days a week so even then I would still have the bulk of baby care.
Speaking of my beautiful little back killer, she's due to be up any minute so I should probably cut this short.
xo
Kellye
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